Friday, August 15, 2008

Big Foot Exists?

Highly doubtful. If any one of the 10 remaining intelligent Americans tuned in to this debacle of a press conference yesterday afternoon, we would have quickly surmised that all the Bigfoot clues pointed, with a large neon flashing sign, to "NO".
Let's take a look at some of the possible clues that might have tipped us off.

The Bigfoot "expert", Tom Biscardi, who started the conference looked like he stepped right out of the back of a Gypsy wagon ready to sell some snake oil to all the world. It was hard to follow him, what with all the exciting rendition of how he met those fine gentlemen. From the plane ride down, the stay at the hotel, the food they served him, the 2nd plane ride down, more food being served, interrupted only by his horribly placed and shameless plugs for his lame internet radio show, eastern standard time and all. Shouldn't that really be clue number one? An internet radio show? I could go get an internet radio show in about 5 minutes myself. A credible broadcaster that does not make me.
After several minutes of some more boring anecdotes, pathetic plugs, things unrelated to Bigfoot, and some of the most lame showmanship one has seen on major cable news sources, in at least a few hours, our fair leader of this dog and pony show introduces the first of the dynamic duo from the mountains of Georgia. (Cue the banjo folks)

Matthew Whitton, an ex police officer, claims he and his friend stumbled upon this beast while walking in the woods, with their video camera of course. He stated how they were never hunters of Bigfoot prior to this encounter even though the hats they adorned stated, along with another shameless plug, that they were the best Bigfoot trackers in the world. That statement alone is absolutely stupid. "I fell over a dead body of a mythical creature. I'm the best at tracking him."
Whitton said that there were many other similar animals watching them the whole time they removed the body, with his mutton headed friend's tow truck. I find it next to impossible to believe that they were not challenged while trying to remove the 500 lb. body.
A question posed by this fine reporter is, when did Whitton get shot in the hand? Before or after this incredible discovery? He claims it was in the line of duty. How much of a help would he be in removing the body with a lame hand?
When asked about his law enforcement job, he seemed to get very heated about it and declined to respond. That certainly peaks my interest and I would love to see someone investigate that just a bit further.
At one point during cross examination, our Bigfoot ringmaster Biscardi jumped in when Whitton was asked a question regarding other fake claims of Bigfoot. Before long Bascardi was arguing with the reporters and explaining how he had refunded money to other poor suckers from one of his previous fake Bigfoot partnerships. He tried to quickly dismiss it and stated that the person who had claimed to have found Bigfoot in that incident had mental problems and was since receiving mental help. Nice.
Biscardi did have some interesting stats, none of which were factually relating to the subject of this press conference.
He quoted a statistic of 72 missing planes that have never been found with all of our high-tech imagery and such as a response to why we are unable to see 7000 or so of these creatures as he has posed.

When the press asked if the other guy speaks, Biscardi brought him to the stage. There is a good reason why Rick Dyer was the mute one for a while.
"When we was filling the freezer up with water." he responded when asked why the freezer kept braking that housed the illusive hairy beast.
When asked why they were filling up the freezer with water he stated, "To put it in a block of ice." This is the point I fell off my chair laughing so hard. These morons thought they were going to build a solid block of ice around this thing almost like it was an iceman carved from the deep regions of the Arctic plains. By filling up a freezer with water! Georgia's rep just dropped a few clicks and at this very moment is right at par with the stereotype of West Virginia. Congratulations boys. You have served your state well.

Oh, and the overwhelming DNA evidence that was supposed to be revealed. Part human, part Possum, as he says. And more pictures were released. One looks like every other photo over the years of Bigfoot. In the woods, trees blurring the view.

You know, I was taught never to judge a book by it's cover, but I have to tell you that when I look at these 3 guys, my gut doesn't like it. Anyone who sports that Kid rock dirty mustache look, with those slightly beady eyes like he "Just aint right", has something else going on inside that head all the while laughing at the U.S press who jumps at the opportunity to broadcast this crap. Shame on all of us for getting to the point where we allow non credible news and people to fill our lives with B.S.